The Green Beer Anomaly
by SunnyCitrus10
Summary: Penny convinces Sheldon to drink green beer and go out dancing with her on St. Patrick's Day. Hilarity ensues. This is part of the St. Patrick's Day Shenny Challenge I have with MyOwnStar. Includes challenge words.


The Green Beer Anomaly

by SunnyCitrus10

A Big Bang Theory Fan Fiction

This fanfic is part of the St. Patrick's Day Shenny Challenge between MyOwnStar and me. It contains the following challenge words below and is M rated. It doesn't get steamy until the end. A big thank you to **MyOwnStar** for being my beta. She corrected grammar, punctuation and show references and provided valuable feedback. I want to also thank SlightlyOffKey for reading the draft and sending comments. This is my first Big Bang Theory fan fiction and I hope I did the characters justice.

Challenge Words: Green beer, beer goggles, four leaf clovers, pinching & yodeling.

Summary: Penny convinces Sheldon to drink green beer and go out dancing with her on St. Patrick's Day. Hilarity ensues.

Disclaimer: I don't own BBT or the characters. it's pretty obvious as Sheldon is drinking beer and does some things that are a little OOC.

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><p>It started out as an ordinary Saturday for Dr. Sheldon Cooper, Ph.D. He woke up, did his regular morning rituals and showered. Most of the time Leonard slept in on Saturdays after a night at the bar with Howard and Raj. Or Leonard wasn't home because he met a girl and hooked up for the night. The latter only happened once in a while. He headed to the kitchen and selected a high fiber cereal to eat with a cup of his favorite tea.<p>

When his breakfast was ready, Sheldon went to the couch and turned on "Doctor Who." This was his favorite program and he never missed an episode.

Sheldon was wearing his beloved Green Lantern t-shirt with an orange long- sleeved Henley. His dark grey plaid pants were actually very sharp and paired with black Converse. He had his Batman belt on and the yellow and black enamel were striking against his waist

After "Doctor Who", Sheldon moved on to his research. At about 11am, Penny knocked on the door and he let her inside. She was wearing kelly green booty shorts and a white Care Bear t-shirt. The bear on the shirt had the four leaf clover on its stomach.

"Happy St. Patrick's Day, Moonpie! Do you have some coffee I can borrow?"

"Only my Meemaw calls me that Penny, and it's 'may' borrow, but I don't think you can return something that progresses through your digestive system."

"Whatever you say, sweetie."

"Actually, the coffeemaker is ready. You may turn it on and wait here for it to brew. Is this agreeable to you?"

"Can I sit in your spot?"

"NO!"

"That was sarcasm, Sheldon."

"Oh."

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><p>As the day progressed, Sheldon went about his normal activities. As it was laundry day, he went to the laundry room at precisely 8:15pm. At 8:20pm, Penny sauntered in and proceeded to dump all of her whites and colors into one large washer.<p>

"Good evening Penny. I hope none of your colors are new. Bleeding is next to impossible to remove from whites."

Rolling her eyes Penny says, "No Sheldon. Everything has been washed before in this load."

"Very well. Someday I will give you that PowerPoint presentation on the merits of separating whites and colors and using the delicate cycle when needed."

"I'm looking forward to it, sweetie."

"Was that sarcasm again?"

"Yes, Moonpie. Anyway, what are your plans for tonight?"

"As I told you before, only my Meemaw calls me Moonpie. If you must know, I'm devoting my evening to finishing my Lego Death Star. If there is some time left before bed, I might take apart and dust the interior of my train caboose."

"Sheldon, it's Saturday night and St. Patrick's Day. Don't you want to live a little and let loose?"

"I don't understand."

"That's it! We are going to a bar and you are going to try and enjoy it."

"Is this a non-optional social convention?"

"If you want me to give you rides to the market or comic book store, it is."

"Then I will accompany you to a watering hole, but I have a few conditions. One, the establishment must have an "A" rating in the window. Two, I will not change my outfit. And three, I refuse to dance."

"I agree to the first two conditions, but not the last one. You must dance to at least 5 songs."

"Counter proposal. How about I sit at a high table and drink a virgin Cuba Libre while saving your seat?"

"No, you have to drink one green beer and dance to 4 songs.

"You know I don't drink, Penny. How about one dance and a tall glass of milk?"

"No, Sheldon. You have to drink one green beer and dance to three songs. And I'll have the bartender dilute the beer with apple juice."

"Two songs and the beer to apple juice ratio must be 25% to 75%."

"Deal!"

* * *

><p>Sheldon and Penny were in her car and headed to a lounge in Old Town Pasadena. Penny's plan was for them to start on one end of Colorado Blvd. and work their way down.<p>

"Penny, your 'check engine' light is on."

"Really? I hadn't noticed."

"That's rather surprising considering the light is in clear view next to your speedometer."

"Sarcasm, sweetie."

"Right."

They finally made it to Old Town. After parking the car, they walked to Lucky Baldwin's. Sheldon took one look at the "B" rating and flipped out.

"Penny, I refuse to set foot in an establishment that doesn't have the decency to maintain exemplary sanitary practices in their food preparation. We could get salmonella poisoning or some other horrid food-based illness."

"Fine, Sheldon. I know another joint we can hit up."

So Penny took Sheldon to Club Ménage, a nightclub in the middle of Old Town. This place had an "A" rating. Although, the last time she was there the floor was really sticky from spilled drinks. Penny thought it was best if she didn't mention that part to him. She flirted with the bouncer and convinced him to let them in without paying the cover charge.

The place was packed. Penny grabbed Sheldon's hand and led him to the second level dance floor. He let out a shriek at this, but Penny held on firmly. She didn't want to lose him in the crowd. As they made their way through the club, they were pressed together back to front as the throng of people closed in. Penny was surprised to feel Sheldon's firm chest against her back. Apparently, the Wii Fitness program was working wonders on his previously scrawny body.

They finally reached the second floor and Penny led him to the bar. In the spirit of the day, she ordered a Midori sour for herself and a green beer for Sheldon.

"Don't forget about the apple juice."

"Of course, sweetie."

Unbeknownst to Sheldon, Penny told the bartender to only put a shot of apple juice into the beer. With the music so loud, his Vulcan hearing was ineffectual.

They clunk their glasses together and took a sip of their drinks.

"I can't taste the apple juice, Penny."

"It's there, sweetie. The malt and barley are just masking the juice."

"If you say so. You're the expert on all things alcohol related."

"Finish your beer and let's dance," Penny said while rolling her eyes.

"Ok, remember just two dances."

"Let's go, Sheldon."

She led him to the packed dance floor. They found a spot in the middle. Sheldon was awkward, but slowly loosened up. The beer was finally hitting his system. They were gyrating and grinding against each other, when a group of drunken girls started dancing next to them. They spotted Sheldon and started pinching him all over his body.

"What are you doing?" Sheldon roared over the music.

One of the girls said, "You're wearing orange. Tradition says that anyone wearing orange on St. Patrick's Day can be pinched even if they're wearing green. And you're so adorable we had to touch you."

"I am not a 5-year-old to be pinched and fondled."

"Let's get another drink, Sheldon."

Penny led him away from the dance floor and back to the bar. She ordered another Midori sour and green beer minus the apple juice.

"Penny, I only agreed to one beer."

"As the beer to apple juice ratio is only 25%, you've only had half a beer."

"Based on that calculation, one more couldn't hurt."

"That's the spirit, Sheldon."

They sat at the bar and finished their drinks. Penny wanted to dance again, but Sheldon reminded her about the agreement.

"Sheldon, please? How about I promise to take you to the comic bookstore for a whole month?

"Ok, but you have to get your car checked."

"Fine."

They went back to the dance floor and purposely stayed clear of those pinching girls. Penny was enjoying herself and noticed that Sheldon was smiling. It reminded her of the smile he had when the shaver tickled his neck. She wasn't sure if it was the beer goggles affect, but Sheldon was looking incredibly sexy right now. After a few drinks, even Stuart could be considered attractive. That last drink must have really gotten to her.

A flock of girls from a bachelorette party started dancing next to them. They also spotted Sheldon's orange shirt and proceeded to pinch him as well. The bride-to-be even went so far as to pinch his butt. Sheldon yelped and hid behind Penny.

"That's enough! I'm going remove this shirt."

He stormed off to the bathroom and took off his undershirt. The bathroom was full of germs, so he was careful to steer clear of walls and used a paper towel when in contact with any surface. After, he went to the bar and convinced the bartender to store it for him

He saw Penny at the other side of the bar and noticed she was chatting with another guy while holding a new drink. Sheldon was not happy with this and walked up to her side.

"Hello, Penny. May I ask who your new friend is?"

"Hey Sheldon, this is Juergen. He's from Switzerland. He was telling me how he won the International Yodeling Competition in Geneva last year."

"Fascinating. I believe it is time for us the dance again, Penny."

Juergen said, "Wait! Let me buy you a drink first."

He didn't want to lose Penny's company just yet.

"One beer with apple juice wouldn't hurt."

"That's the idea. Penny would you like another?"

"No, I'm good."

Juergen signaled for another drink and made sure a shot of tequila was added to the bottom. He figured if Sheldon was completely wasted, he would have a better chance of hooking up with Penny.

He handed the drink over and Sheldon took a big sip.

"This tastes different from the other two."

"They put a different kind of apple juice inside. It's Granny Smith apple juice," Juergen said.

Penny snickered and took a step closer to Sheldon. Juergen was beginning to creep her out with his intense staring.

Sheldon noticed Penny's apprehension. He downed the drink in a flash and put his glass down.

"Thank you for the drink, but I promised Penny a few more dances before the night was over."

"You did? Oh yes, you did! Thank you for the drink, Juergen. Good luck at your next yodeling competition."

With that, Penny and Sheldon went back onto the dance floor.

"Thank you, Sheldon. He had this weird vibe about him."

"You're welcome."

So the rest of the night followed the same pattern over and over again. They would dance, go to the bar for a drink, then dance again. They did this repeatedly until last call at 1:30am. Then Sheldon asked for his shirt back from the bartender and proceeded down the stairs to the exit with Penny in tow.

"Ouch!"

The bride from the bachelorette party saw him with the orange shirt and pinched his butt hard. He started walking faster and led Penny away.

She was too drunk to drive so they hailed a cab. It took them back to their apartment building. They were so far gone and passed out while cuddling in the backseat.

At their destination, the cabbie banged on the divider and told them to wake up and get out. They stumbled out and almost fell onto the grass next to the curb. Penny grabbed Sheldon's wallet from his pocket and paid the driver. He sped away leaving them on the sidewalk.

"Where are we?" said a disoriented Sheldon.

He was dizzy and could barely stand up right.

"We're home, sweetie."

"Thank you, Lord. My head is killing me. It feels like the entire Rose Parade Marching Band is performing in my brain. And the sky keeps spinning. Make it stop, Penny."

"No can do. I feel just as bad."

After a few false starts, they finally headed towards the building. Once inside, they turned to the stairs and slowly made the trek up to the fourth floor.

Sheldon patted down his pockets and couldn't find his keys. Penny, who handled her liquor better, took charge of the situation and led him inside her apartment.

"Sweetie, you can sleep in my bed for the night."

"Where will you sleep?"

"It's a large bed, Sheldon. We can share.

"Absolutely not."

"Fine. I will sleep on the couch."

"I don't have my toothbrush."

"I have a spare in the medicine cabinet.

"Thank you Penny. You don't have the UV light sanitizer, but it will have to make do. Excuse me, for I have to void the contents of my stomach."

After vomiting in Penny's toilet, Sheldon got ready for bed. He immediately brushed his teeth and took off his pants and t-shirt. His long sleeve one was already off from before and he didn't want to sleep with the germs of Penny's toilet (or the entire bar) on his shirt. So he decided to sleep in his white briefs.

Penny brushed her teeth after Sheldon and changed into her pink nightie. She pulled a blanket and pillow from her closet and settled onto the couch. Penny went over the events of the night. She was surprised at how much she enjoyed herself with Sheldon. Who knew he was a sexy dance machine?

In the middle of the night, Penny woke up disoriented and hot. Why was she sleeping on the couch? She got up and went to her bedroom. Penny was feeling warm so she removed her nightgown and slipped into bed. She was so out of it that she didn't notice Sheldon in his Dracula pose sleeping next to her.

The next morning, Penny woke up to a warm body cuddling her. There was something nudging her back and a hand was clasping her left breast. Also, a nose was nuzzling into her neck. For a second, Penny settled in and enjoyed the cozy embrace. She pressed against the nudging object at her back and heard a low moan. This made her to remember that she didn't go home with a stranger. It was Sheldon! He woke up and bucked his hips forward causing Penny to fall out of bed and onto the floor.

"Danger, danger!"

"Relax, Sheldon, it's me."

"Why am I in your bed, Penny? And why are you naked?"

"We went out drinking last night and you couldn't find your keys. I let you sleep in my bed and I slept on the couch. In the middle of the night I woke up and was hot. I forgot you were in my bed. So I took off my nightgown and slipped into bed.

"Why are you still naked?"

"I'm not ashamed of my body. And it's not like you haven't seen it before."

"That was under extenuating circumstances. You were injured and required medical assistance."

"Well I don't need medical assistance. And it looks like someone else is happy to see me."

"What are you talking about woman?"

Penny got up from the floor and straddled Sheldon on the bed. He was flailing around. Penny, being a junior rodeo champion, took control. She held him down with her hands and pushed against him with her pelvis. He was breathing hard, but his erection was increasing considerably.

'He's way bigger than Leonard,' Penny thought.

Penny was so turned on that her panties were wet. Sheldon could feel the wetness through his briefs. She bent down and proceeded to kiss and lick his neck and chest. Penny had never been so aroused before and all they were doing was dry humping. Sheldon started nuzzling her ear and that set her off. She started to come and Sheldon was right behind her. The end was dazzling in its splendor.

This was a new experience for him. Finding pleasure with a partner was quite novel. There was nothing like it. He wondered what it would be like if actual coitus was involved. Penny smelled like sweat and jasmine, but his senses were intoxicated. He didn't seek out human companionship, but for some reason he was drawn to Penny. The stickiness was getting a little uncomfortable though.

"Penny, this was an illuminating experience, but I feel sticky and sweaty."

"Ok, Sheldon. Let's go take a shower. I'm going to expand your horizons."

"I shower alone. What could I possibly learn during my bath time?"

"After we brush our teeth, I'll show you."

THE END

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> Lucky Baldwin's and Club Ménage are real places in Old Town Pasadena. Apparently, Pasadena is home to tons of bars and clubs and plenty of cupcake shops. They also have a cool neighborhood bookstore called Vroman's. I'm actually going to Pasadena in a few hours to go ice skating at a six-year-old's birthday party. Here's hoping I don't face-plant like last time.


End file.
